This piece really helped me make sense of the feelings of self-aggression I have been feeling for a long time. The relationship between shame and failure was enlightening in particular. Thank you!!
I'm so happy to hear this was useful!! Bruce Tift's book was incredibly, incredibly useful for me—because that's basically what the anxious/uncertain/self-critical mind does: it constantly finds ways to denigrate you and make you feel pathetic
wishing you all the best this July, and thank you for reading and commenting!
So many wonderful and diverse ideas that you've joined together to support such an important and affirming message! I love the image of self as a "continuous story". And Forster's resolution to "get a less superficial idea of women" is great haha - could probably pass that one on to a few people!
Thank you for your kind words and for reading! I also love the Forster resolutions…such a funny mixture of practical, philosophical, and whimsical ("be a fool more often") ambitions
JJvE is one of my favourite designers to wear especially because of his season-less and uniform approach to clothes, using the same patterns but with different materials and textures for different seasons. I had the pleasure of visiting his beautiful shop multiple times while in Antwerp and purchased a few things. His studio offers free tailoring and altercations to customers, so even though the garments are cut for everyone, there is still an element of the personal and having your clothes fitting you best.
I like the idea of not conforming yourself to fit some expectation (like fitting into clothes) but being curious about yourself and altering those expectations to fit you better.
I haven't been to the shop but really want to go! So lovely that you had a really intimate, personal experience there. I love that they offer alterations, so the clothing can adapt to the changes in your life and body.
The general takeaway I have from all my psychoanalysis reading is that it's ultimately futile (and cruel to yourself) to believe that you need to shape yourself into someone totally different than you are, just to feel adequate or even loved…instead, we need to treat ourselves with some generosity, understand our own tendencies and values, and then honor them. It feels like a nice philosophy for fashion and life.
reading this in the 2026 new year and it instantly soothed something inside of me. thank you for sharing such an important idea. i will carry it in my pocket to turn over and over like a new favorite stone.
This was a beautiful essay but I'm not sure how it could be possible to not feel shame, especially about creative pursuits. Shame is a core human emotion, and writing (even if non-confessional) is an activity that risks self-exposure. I can understand tolerating shame as the price of doing intellectually stimulating work, but creative work (or life in general) without shame and self-aggression sounds unimaginable.
This piece really helped me make sense of the feelings of self-aggression I have been feeling for a long time. The relationship between shame and failure was enlightening in particular. Thank you!!
I'm so happy to hear this was useful!! Bruce Tift's book was incredibly, incredibly useful for me—because that's basically what the anxious/uncertain/self-critical mind does: it constantly finds ways to denigrate you and make you feel pathetic
wishing you all the best this July, and thank you for reading and commenting!
So many wonderful and diverse ideas that you've joined together to support such an important and affirming message! I love the image of self as a "continuous story". And Forster's resolution to "get a less superficial idea of women" is great haha - could probably pass that one on to a few people!
Thank you for your kind words and for reading! I also love the Forster resolutions…such a funny mixture of practical, philosophical, and whimsical ("be a fool more often") ambitions
JJvE is one of my favourite designers to wear especially because of his season-less and uniform approach to clothes, using the same patterns but with different materials and textures for different seasons. I had the pleasure of visiting his beautiful shop multiple times while in Antwerp and purchased a few things. His studio offers free tailoring and altercations to customers, so even though the garments are cut for everyone, there is still an element of the personal and having your clothes fitting you best.
I like the idea of not conforming yourself to fit some expectation (like fitting into clothes) but being curious about yourself and altering those expectations to fit you better.
I haven't been to the shop but really want to go! So lovely that you had a really intimate, personal experience there. I love that they offer alterations, so the clothing can adapt to the changes in your life and body.
The general takeaway I have from all my psychoanalysis reading is that it's ultimately futile (and cruel to yourself) to believe that you need to shape yourself into someone totally different than you are, just to feel adequate or even loved…instead, we need to treat ourselves with some generosity, understand our own tendencies and values, and then honor them. It feels like a nice philosophy for fashion and life.
reading this in the 2026 new year and it instantly soothed something inside of me. thank you for sharing such an important idea. i will carry it in my pocket to turn over and over like a new favorite stone.
This was a beautiful essay but I'm not sure how it could be possible to not feel shame, especially about creative pursuits. Shame is a core human emotion, and writing (even if non-confessional) is an activity that risks self-exposure. I can understand tolerating shame as the price of doing intellectually stimulating work, but creative work (or life in general) without shame and self-aggression sounds unimaginable.
Really nice to come back to this at the start of another year!